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The trouble is you see that guilt isn't a good thing with ME/CFS as it often leads to worry and that makes us worse as worrying increases our stress levels.
So you can see that such a small word can start such a huge process that is very bad for me and others who have this horrible illness.
The strange thing is that as you get better so you have more things to feel guilty about.
I know that sounds strange, but you do.
You have the guilt that others are not getting better and you are (why me & not them?), so much so that often you hide how well you are becoming from these people as you don't want to upset them.
Then you also have the guilt of benefit fraud, are you still entitled to what you get? Should you cut off your own nose to spite your face?
What if you give up you benefit could you manage a job on a regular basis?
You see it isn't could you work from 9am to 3pm, but could you do it five days a week (or how ever many you go for). Could you be reliable?
Or are you forgetting just how ill you really are because you don't want the truth of it all to hit you while you feel that fraction better.
Then there is the guilt that comes with being really ill, the guilt of letting down others, but most of all the guilt of letting ourselves down.
This is the hardest guilt of all to overcome as it is only ourselves who can release us from this guilt.
You may get to a point where you realise what all this guilt is doing to you, and you may pull yourself out of it, and start to see an improvement in health as you worry less about stuff.
Then before you know it you come to see that some things that have been holding you back on the road to recovery are the things you did to help you and others to cope with this illness.
These can be things like using aids around the home, or a wheelchair, to things like chat sites, books and websites, the list is endless and not all things include others in the use of them.
For me I use a walking stick and a wheelchair, no even thou I am unable to give them up just yet, I hope there will be a day I can leave them in the cupboard under the stairs, but I know when I do I will have others around me ask why I am not using them when they think I should still be doing so. I will then feel guilty about turning my back on such things.
OK I may not be turning my back on them, but letting them go so I can continue to grow in health, but it may still feel like I am turning my back on them.
So what do we do about all this guilt?
Well as a good friend wrote in her diary, we should not worry about two days of the week, yesterday & tomorrow as they are both out of our reach and control.
You can plan for tomorrow, but you must do it today, and no other day, as today is the only day we have control over.
So with that in mind I for today will not all the feelings of guilt worry me as there is nothing I can do to stop how others feel.
So I will stick to a favorite saying I know "Don't put off till tomorrow what you can do today, & only do today what you won't regret tomorrow"
With that in mind I'm off to see my new neighbor for a chat & a cuppa, as there should always be room in you life for a coffee with friends.